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the great mind-killer
Mar. 26th, 2008 01:57 pmmy mood has been less up-and-down this week, which is nice. affirmations at lunchtime and bedtime certainly help. but i'm still feeling a bit purpose-less. work is mostly fulfilling but nothing awesome; i get excited for the day to be over so that i can go home and...do what, exactly?
every day i get home around 5:30 and have five hours to kill before bedtime. i mist the plant seedlings, fill or empty the dishwasher, take a self-portrait, cook dinner, watch tv until bedtime. even with little bedtime and kitchen rituals, that is three or four hours of tv that aren't really necessary. i hoard episodes of the simpsons and futurama on the dvr, and then feel the need to watch them and delete them -- it gives me a feeling akin to cleaning my plate when i was young -- that's nutritious entertainment, don't waste it! that is total bunk, though. actual tv time per week: 15-20 hours, maybe some weeks as high as 25. absolute must-watch shows each week: 5.5 hours. that is kind of sad.
i have been militantly anti-tv in the past...i think right now it is a crutch, helpful for avoiding life. healthy relationships? going for a walk? reading more books? meditation? all good things to have. or avoid, i guess. for some reason i am scared of being depressed either way -- less tv and more time alone with my own mind means facing the things i don't like about myself, but that's precisely what i'm trying to change in my life. maybe tv is just crowding out the possibility for change right now.
every day i get home around 5:30 and have five hours to kill before bedtime. i mist the plant seedlings, fill or empty the dishwasher, take a self-portrait, cook dinner, watch tv until bedtime. even with little bedtime and kitchen rituals, that is three or four hours of tv that aren't really necessary. i hoard episodes of the simpsons and futurama on the dvr, and then feel the need to watch them and delete them -- it gives me a feeling akin to cleaning my plate when i was young -- that's nutritious entertainment, don't waste it! that is total bunk, though. actual tv time per week: 15-20 hours, maybe some weeks as high as 25. absolute must-watch shows each week: 5.5 hours. that is kind of sad.
i have been militantly anti-tv in the past...i think right now it is a crutch, helpful for avoiding life. healthy relationships? going for a walk? reading more books? meditation? all good things to have. or avoid, i guess. for some reason i am scared of being depressed either way -- less tv and more time alone with my own mind means facing the things i don't like about myself, but that's precisely what i'm trying to change in my life. maybe tv is just crowding out the possibility for change right now.
