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i dreamt i was back in florence, looking out the window of the sede and falling in love with its intricate view of via calzaiuoli and piazza signoria. and monica remembered me, enfolded me in her embrace. it was raining and i was so in love with the city. i only loved florence in the rain, when i was there. it drove away the hated tourists.

before i studied italian, i thought florence would be like its english name, dreamy and soft and gentle. when i learned its italian name, firenze, i was struck by how fiery and harsh it sounded. and really, the city is like that. loud, with a hard dismissive z sound, more about fire than about flowers.

also, geez, do you remember girolamo savonarola? i had a special relationship with him. in san marco you can see his hair shirt, his personal tools of self-flagellation. my fascination for that might be a better explanation for my mood that year, now that i think about it.
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dream: robots, apocalypse, sex, the happening, dancing, seth green.

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how funny.
i had a detailed dream about an earthquake last night.
outdoors, going to a building doorway and waiting it out. nothing unusual, except i've never been in an earthquake and never dreamt about it before, nor read/seen anything about one recently.

so when the alarm came on this morning with the radio news playing, i sat bolt upright in bed when i heard there had really been an earthquake, even if it was nowhere near us. weird odds!
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last night a very vivid, exuberant dream in which i am rollerskating with my broken ankle, but it doesn't hurt. in the midst of the whole team, girls flying on all sides, up and down hills, dappled tree light, wind, laughing.

gnu fob

Aug. 9th, 2006 09:19 am
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the sky is so blue this morning it hurts my eyes. so clear and intense.

yesterday kirk accepted an amazing new job; starting in september he will be the master electrician for the boston conservatory. so exciting! he will be working in the fenway downtown while i am in school next year, so we can take the commuter rail together in the mornings and meet up in the city in the evenings, go see tons of dance and opera and music performances for free, spend more time in cambridge etc. oh, i am so so happy. the coming year is going to be very exciting for us both.


yesterday i went to work for part of the day, and it was rather overwhelming, as i had known it would be. first, one of my co-workers ignored me (didn't hear me? but then also did not recognize me) in the hallway when i greeted her on my way in, which made me feel unpleasantly invisible. kirk was my unpaid intern for the day -- he stayed at work with me to help with little things. everyone at work was very nice and sympathetic, but no one entirely understands just how much help i need with simple things, and while kirk was out running errands, i got tired very quickly of calling out for someone to come and help me once or twice, and sort of resigned myself to a certain lack of productivity. also, rearranging my computer & desk so as to be able to keep my ankle up on a chair resulted in unpleasant back strain, no matter how i adjusted my fancy ergonomic chair. by 3:00 i was quite done thank you, aching back and left hip and especially the ankle, and we went home. i am going to stay home for the rest of the week, because friday at my appointment i will get a new, hopefully light-weight cast put on, which should make my life much easier. in the meantime, the pain, stress, and inconvenience are not worth it.


life-like toys entertain me at night: i dreamed last night that i attempted to rape barbie, in order to please g.i. joe and the decepticons, who were holding the world hostage until the world was rid of women "but not vaginas" (their words). the attempted rape did not work, in case you are curious.
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three dreams in three nights about walking on my broken ankle in its cast. i wake up so frustrated from these dreams: the dream-me has a less-broken ankle, is able to cheat and walk in the cast without pain, forgets crutches cheekily. i am so, so tired of immobility. this morning in the bathroom i realized i don't remember anymore how one gets up from the toilet without using one leg, the doorknob and the edge of the sink -- i think like a tripod now. i measured and the immobile leg is a full one inch smaller in circumference above the knee, where i've noticed the most muscle atrophy. it is striking how the muscle structure has changed.

i am looking forward to friday's appointment, when they will unwrap my leg and take out the staples (!) and my poor skin will get to relax for a short time before being re-wrapped.

tomorrow i am supposed to go back to work, a trial run. i don't know if i'll have the stamina for it; i went off the oxycontin a few nights ago and i'm trying to cut back on the percocet, and now i don't sleep through the night very well, i wake up around 4am and can't find a comfortable position. just recently i found a way to sleep on my side for short periods of time; i've been strictly a back-sleeper for the last month. i can hardly believe it, but it's been an entire month since it happened, which means i've been out of work for an entire month. july 11 - august 7.

but it's only been two weeks since the surgery, and i have another 4-6 weeks before they will fit me with a walking cast to allow partial weight-bearing and some physical therapy, right around the time school starts. after that, another 2-4 weeks before the walking cast will be removed.
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i woke up at 4:22 am from a bad dream, only to hear some sort of crying wendigo noise in the street. it was unreal -- not animal, not human, not mechanical, but something in between. it was, i want to say, soughing.

the dream was worse than noises in the night, though: in the dream, my brother josh had died and we were all at his funeral, and it was too, too real. right down to the petty pre-funeral squabbles with relatives. his coffin passed me as i sobbed. i couldn't stop thinking about how now it was just katie and i, two sisters, no longer a triad completed by one brother.

between the wendigo and the dream i cried a little before i could fall back asleep. today is josh's 21st birthday, i have to call him later and remind him not to get alcohol poisoning tonight.

despite all that, i am actually in a decent mood today. it's a cold friday, but my rollerskates should be delivered today. and a big blizzard is on its way, 8 to 14 inches.


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