aslant: (Default)
it's out! friends, i did not cry. i did not even shake one little bit! ([livejournal.com profile] handstil, your breathe-in-breathe-out technique really worked!) it helped that i was sleepy and took 1mg alprazolam an hour before, but also everyone was really really nice to me.


(a little over 2 inches long. the nurse claimed it came out mostly clean, i was really curious whether it would have little bone shards or whatever.)

anyway, i slept off my meds all day yesterday and was able to walk almost normally this morning. mainly the bandage holds my ankle still. but it doesn't really hurt! fun scar pictures to come later when the steri strips fall off.
aslant: (Default)
i just waited on the elevated platform for the commuter rail
for fifteen minutes in the wind, wearing a skirt, in zero degree
weather. i am so dumb, i left the house with neither legwarmers nor
a real scarf. (i had to use an old raggy short scarf from the
trunk.) i was standing there, going up and down on my toes to
keep my blood moving, but when my calves touched each other,
they were completely numb. it was so painful i almost cried.

so i forfeited my $2 garage parking spot and came home for better
clothing. i can't not wear the skirt, because i only have this
one suit and i have an interview at 1pm today. but at least now
i have wool socks and legwarmers on.

my legs hurt. but i think the circulation is coming back.

.

things that are still not entirely normal about my ankle:

- standing on one leg in the shower to shave is tricky
- going down stairs, i hop a little on the bad leg
- there is still a hitch in my gait when i walk
- fibrous polyps around the joint capsule
- my calf is very weak
- my balance is not very good when i'm barefoot
- i'm not strong enough to wear heels yet
aslant: (Default)
what i did in 2006:

wrote a zine, printed the cover on my new letterpress
bought rollerskates and learned how to skate
jan-july: ate healthy, worked out a lot, lost ~25lbs
applied to graduate school
tried out for the boston derby dames
spent one month skating my ass off with bdd
broke my ankle
got into harvard
spent the summer recovering from ankle surgery
spent a lot of time being depressed and anxious about ankle (and weight re-gained)
learned how to walk again
went back to school, met some amazing people there
got engaged to the love of my life on christmas eve
aslant: (Default)
last night i turned in a paper i wasn't proud of. but today i interviewed harvard's vp of policy and she was very nice! it went very well. some of the content will go into a research paper i'm hoping to propose for the student research conference in february.

a good thing: today and yesterday i have been able to walk around without my cane, outside and inside, for quite a while.
a bad thing: i think i'm coming down with a sore throat.
aslant: (Default)
some firsts today:

+ extended walking around the house, doing chores sans cane.
+ first time i have made breakfast for k & i since the accident (something i would normally do twice each weekend).
+ first time i have gone grocery shopping (with cane).

also:

+ making no-knead bread (see article here). i just mixed and covered it, and won't touch it again until late tomorrow morning. pictures to come!
aslant: (Default)
last night i walked unaided for the first time. around the kitchen, then down the hall. to the table and back again. kirk watching me from the stove, both of us a little in awe. and to think: last friday was the first time i put full weight on my left leg, gripping the physical therapist's forearms and smile-crying.

last night is a bright memory spot in my brain; every time i think of it, it's like the whole world lights up a little, things race and i'm overcome a little with giddy happiness. i haven't felt that way in a long time.

good news

Oct. 27th, 2006 04:00 pm
aslant: (Default)
according to the doctor, i'm not supposed to wear the walking boot anymore. i am supposed to wear real shoes! and walk like a real person instead of a robot! and only use one crutch, or maybe just a cane!

this is deeply exciting and deeply scary at the same time. but i have all weekend to practice before i get to show it off to my classmates. so i am going to do my gimpy best.
aslant: (Default)
today i practiced walking with one crutch and one cane, wearing supportive sneakers. no boot! i wanted to feel where the pain was -- kirk asked me how much it hurt, and i had to admit that it was really only a 1 or 2 (out of 10).

the heel is fine, the toes seem tender. the worst pain is in the bones under the outside edge of the bottom of the foot -- they need to hold my full weight as i move through a stride, and they're just too tender to do it. so when i do walk, i'm still putting plenty of weight on the one cane/one crutch, and moving over the midpoint of the stride rather quickly. any slower and the muscle control just isn't there.

sigh.

friday i see the orthopedist and will be released to full weight bearing status. at that point, it will be up to me to see how much pain i can stand (ha ha).
aslant: (Default)
i had another ortho check-up today, and now i'm allowed to bear some weight on my leg again! baby steps. it is hardly walking, but it is something. and they gave me a cane i can use in a couple weeks, which is neat. i will finally be able to, say, buy a cup of coffee and bring it to class. i really miss normal things like that.

in preparation for transferring my records to the university hospital where i'll have my physical therapy starting next monday, i had to go pick up a disk of my xrays today. so here are some xrays for you:


7/11/06, evening of the accident.


9/6/06, at my previous check-up. best view of all the hardware.

also, i can now feel around by the scars and actually feel where the metal is, under the skin. mainly i can feel the screw heads, maybe the edge of the long bracket. it is a very weird sensation.
aslant: (Default)


big skeleton, little skeleton. and an xray of my foot.

warning! once again, not for the squeamish!
pictures of the leg, before and after one month in a cast... )
aslant: (Default)
  • my arm is sore from the tetanus booster & hep-B vaccine i got yesterday. i held still for it, but i cried and hid my face in cece's arm. so that is over, and i will now be allowed to register at school.
  • i can't download photos on my laptop! i formatted the hard drive and reinstalled windows on saturday and now i can't recall how i got kirk's elph to work the last time.
  • i spent hours last night pulling the dead skin off my leg, and i'm still not through. tonight i get to shower and put it in the water! and shave it!
  • my ankle is not sitting at 90° in the boot yet, as it was not at 90° in the cast, either. trying to push through those last five degrees of flexion is a slow and painful process. i can feel the hardware resisting within my leg.
  • this is my second-to-last day at work and i am simultaneously over- and underwhelmed. sigh.
aslant: (Default)
we are watching season 2 of lost on dvd. i made kirk buy it because we finished watching season 1 last night and today season 2 was released but all the disk ones were rented and i could not bear to wait! oh agony. i never got into it on tv but now i am addicted. maybe someone wants to borrow it when we are through?

(tomorrow i maybe get my cast off and maybe get to walk a tiny bit. i can't think about it too much or i will go crazy with wanting/worry/fear.)
aslant: (Default)
last night a very vivid, exuberant dream in which i am rollerskating with my broken ankle, but it doesn't hurt. in the midst of the whole team, girls flying on all sides, up and down hills, dappled tree light, wind, laughing.

gnu fob

Aug. 9th, 2006 09:19 am
aslant: (Default)
the sky is so blue this morning it hurts my eyes. so clear and intense.

yesterday kirk accepted an amazing new job; starting in september he will be the master electrician for the boston conservatory. so exciting! he will be working in the fenway downtown while i am in school next year, so we can take the commuter rail together in the mornings and meet up in the city in the evenings, go see tons of dance and opera and music performances for free, spend more time in cambridge etc. oh, i am so so happy. the coming year is going to be very exciting for us both.

.

yesterday i went to work for part of the day, and it was rather overwhelming, as i had known it would be. first, one of my co-workers ignored me (didn't hear me? but then also did not recognize me) in the hallway when i greeted her on my way in, which made me feel unpleasantly invisible. kirk was my unpaid intern for the day -- he stayed at work with me to help with little things. everyone at work was very nice and sympathetic, but no one entirely understands just how much help i need with simple things, and while kirk was out running errands, i got tired very quickly of calling out for someone to come and help me once or twice, and sort of resigned myself to a certain lack of productivity. also, rearranging my computer & desk so as to be able to keep my ankle up on a chair resulted in unpleasant back strain, no matter how i adjusted my fancy ergonomic chair. by 3:00 i was quite done thank you, aching back and left hip and especially the ankle, and we went home. i am going to stay home for the rest of the week, because friday at my appointment i will get a new, hopefully light-weight cast put on, which should make my life much easier. in the meantime, the pain, stress, and inconvenience are not worth it.

.

life-like toys entertain me at night: i dreamed last night that i attempted to rape barbie, in order to please g.i. joe and the decepticons, who were holding the world hostage until the world was rid of women "but not vaginas" (their words). the attempted rape did not work, in case you are curious.
aslant: (Default)
three dreams in three nights about walking on my broken ankle in its cast. i wake up so frustrated from these dreams: the dream-me has a less-broken ankle, is able to cheat and walk in the cast without pain, forgets crutches cheekily. i am so, so tired of immobility. this morning in the bathroom i realized i don't remember anymore how one gets up from the toilet without using one leg, the doorknob and the edge of the sink -- i think like a tripod now. i measured and the immobile leg is a full one inch smaller in circumference above the knee, where i've noticed the most muscle atrophy. it is striking how the muscle structure has changed.

i am looking forward to friday's appointment, when they will unwrap my leg and take out the staples (!) and my poor skin will get to relax for a short time before being re-wrapped.

tomorrow i am supposed to go back to work, a trial run. i don't know if i'll have the stamina for it; i went off the oxycontin a few nights ago and i'm trying to cut back on the percocet, and now i don't sleep through the night very well, i wake up around 4am and can't find a comfortable position. just recently i found a way to sleep on my side for short periods of time; i've been strictly a back-sleeper for the last month. i can hardly believe it, but it's been an entire month since it happened, which means i've been out of work for an entire month. july 11 - august 7.

but it's only been two weeks since the surgery, and i have another 4-6 weeks before they will fit me with a walking cast to allow partial weight-bearing and some physical therapy, right around the time school starts. after that, another 2-4 weeks before the walking cast will be removed.
aslant: (Default)
okay. me and my broken-in-three-places ankle are back at home now, still high on percocet. the surgeon and her very cute PA came to unwrap my leg yesterday afternoon. under the eight layers of gauze and ace wrap was a still extremely swollen ankle. even i could see that. there was a moment in the ER on tuesday night when the doctor had a hushed consultation at the foot of my bed, the only word i actually made out was deformed, which made me sit up from my morphine-and-ativan haze saying, "did you just say my ankle was deformed?" ha ha. well, it still looked deformed when the surgeon unwrapped it.

for now i am at home, with crutches but not allowed to get up except to go pee and maybe shower (with the leg poking out since the splint can't get wet). an alarm goes off every four hours to tell me to take my percocet. i have a trashcan next to my bed in case it makes me nauseous...on the car ride home from the hospital kirk had to pull over so i could lose my hospital dinner out the car door. but as long as i stay in bed, i get light-headed but not nauseous. moving the leg in any way still makes me cry a little.

on tuesday i'll go back to see the surgeon, and if the swelling has gone down, i will have surgery to set pins and a plate into the ankle, on wednesday or thursday.

kind of dark, but here it is, splinted and wrapped, maybe four separate layers of gauze and three of ace wrap, plus the thick wet plaster layer of the splint. sigh. so painful, so ugly.

aslant: (Default)
i'm very high right now on percoset, but DETERMINED to tell livejournal all about my shitty tuesday. at derby practice, i went into a sloppy turn, heard a massive CRUNCH in my left ankle, and fell to the floor, pretty much screaming in pain. pretty much.

prognosis: fractured fibula in two places, fractured tibia in one place, both around the ankle and generally a very unstable break requiring surgery to set properly. despite being given massive amounts of morphine last night, the pain just would not go away. was supposed to have surgery to put pins in the bone today, which meant i wasn't allowed to eat -- today, though, the o.r. is fully booked so surgery can't be until tomorrow, thus i can eat, and thus be fed percosets that have finally dulled the pain. finally.

the surgeon said if the swelling is not down today, she can't operate on it for two weeks. i don't have two weekss! sigh. i am begging them to do this now, before my oregon vacation, before my summer is essentially shot. especially because those are two weeks i would basically be bed-bound, at home, bored out of my skull. fuck. i do not have two weeks. so i'm trying to plead my case as best i can.

challenge of the afternoon: pee in a basin. try not to cry too much when they unwrap the jones bandage to look at the swelling. i can't move it without the bones grinding together and producing the most excruiciating pain.

fun facts: my roommate snored all night, extremely loudly, and now that she's awake, she likes to play pornographic books on tape outloud so we can all hear. no headphones. wtf.

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