letter from the past

[aslant]

today i checked my old yahoo account for the first time in a long time, and found a letter from my past self (from futureme.org) that i wrote on friday, march 26, 2004:

> Dear FutureMe,
>
> Today you went on a long walk at lunch, on the first truly
> sunny and warm day of Spring. The water was sparkling and
> beautiful, and though it glared in your eyes and your shins
> ached, you were happy and your body was happy to be moving.
> Today you are twenty-four years old, living on Highland
> Avenue in Somerville, with Kirk (the love of your life) and
> your two cats, Milou and Pippa.
>
> Today you were laughing at work with CeCe and Liz and
> making fun of the America's Next Top Model application. Kirk
> is working late at the Rigoletto show. You have money in the
> bank and you want to go to Target to buy things, something,
> anything. Maybe to Petsmart tomorrow, maybe to a bookstore.
>
> Tonight when you got home from work, you open the windows
> to let in the cool evening air, and to let the cats jump up
> onto the sills and look out at the cars, the birds. Floating
> over the traffic noises were the bells from St Catherine's
> of Genoa, up the hill, which you hear so frequently now, and
> you are afraid it might be their death knell, their last
> attempt to call in the faithful flocks, their siren song. St
> Catherine's is a high traditional cathedral on the hill,
> pale bricks and a small school tucked in across the narrow
> street, next to the Greek Orthodox church. St Catherine's is
> slated to be closing, out of all the local Somerville parish
> schools. Do they hold mass more frequently because of that?
> You don't know, but you keep running to the window to try to
> record the sound of those bells, floating over the chilled
> air.
>
> Last week you won $1,000. Have you won any more prizes?
> Entered contests, applied for grants, for chapbook
> competitions? Have you submitted poetry for publication? Do
> you read lots of things to find new places to submit to? Are
> you still dabbling in web design? How is the Persnicket
> website? The Milk and Ink blog? Did you ever buy that hand
> press?
>
> Are you in Oregon now? Are you married? Did you buy a
> house? Where is Jennie? Where is Sally? Did you ever buy a
> car? Did you parents sell the old Cottonwood Court house and
> build their own? Is Rosie dead? Are you still on medication?
> Did you ever get in contact with people you lost touch
> with---JR, Carrie, Jen Mack, Leah? What about your tenth
> high school reunion? What about your fifth college reunion?
> Where are you working now, and are you happy? Remember
> yourself as you are today, still living paycheck to paycheck
> but comfortable, happy, liking the house and loving love and
> all that other stuff. Life is good, that's what I want to
> say. Is it still good?
>
>



the answers, five years later: later i won $10,000 for that same poem, and then $3,500 for my graduate work. i was published in small-press projects but nothing bigger than that. persnicket is dormant, milk and ink is defunct. i did buy that press, though i haven't used it in a couple years.

i'm in oregon. i'm married. we just bought a house. jennie works in portland. sally lives in minnesota. we bought a car. my parents did sell their old house and they did build their own. rosie died a year and a half ago. i'm not on medication anymore. of those four people, i wrote a letter to carrie, looked in vain for jen, and write occasionally to leah. i went to my tenth high school reunion. i didn't make it to my fifth college reunion. i work at lewis & clark college, and i'm happy (mostly?). not deliriously so but content and steady.

life is still good.

Comments

[triesticity.livejournal.com]

mm, so pleasing! futureme.org makes me really happy.

[handstil.livejournal.com]

I was JUST thinking of that website because I did one around that same time. We were living in Morro Bay and I remember exactly what was going on when I wrote it so it won't be terribly interesting. haha

[aslant.livejournal.com]

that sucks you won't get a surprise! i was genuinely surprised, and actually nearly deleted it as spam (which is all my yahoo address gets anymore). i remembered i had written something because a LOOONG time ago they had contacted me asking for permission to use it in their book? i think this was for a larger group of letters they were hoping to pick from, i've never seen the book myself. but anyway, i had no idea *when* i had sent it to myself, so it was cool to get it and look back, even though five years seems like a really short time ago.

[aslant.livejournal.com]

it is a fun idea, though i got really depressed reading some of the letters using the 'random' feature yesterday. some are mundane, some are cryptic, but some were downright depressing, people berating themselves over their (assumed) shitty future lives. sad.