(no subject)
Sep. 24th, 2001 02:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aslanti have cut love out of me. have i cut love out of me?
why do i do this? connections refused. the dial tone.
i want to refuse something. like judy's death: expelling every ounce of the body. blood, bile, vomit. the interior made exterior in the bathtub scene. the inescapability of the body's rejection of life, like a force separate from herself, an invading spirit that rides the flesh demonlike. the image of that scene returns to me in this mood, and i crave a similar catharsis. a mortification of the flesh to mollify the mind. last night i crawled on the tile searching crablike and cramped for that tiny blue sliver of plastic. the ache in the patelas. even that was not enough. i want a physical mirror to this crashing and crushing feeling.
ineluctable: incapable of being avoided or overcome.
why do i do this? connections refused. the dial tone.
i want to refuse something. like judy's death: expelling every ounce of the body. blood, bile, vomit. the interior made exterior in the bathtub scene. the inescapability of the body's rejection of life, like a force separate from herself, an invading spirit that rides the flesh demonlike. the image of that scene returns to me in this mood, and i crave a similar catharsis. a mortification of the flesh to mollify the mind. last night i crawled on the tile searching crablike and cramped for that tiny blue sliver of plastic. the ache in the patelas. even that was not enough. i want a physical mirror to this crashing and crushing feeling.
ineluctable: incapable of being avoided or overcome.
