one clear thought

[aslant]

it is so easy for me to return love.

is this my trouble? is it too easy, that way, to fill in the blanks, the gaps, with assumption. i don't want this to be true. this is precisely how i harmed perry. i do not want that. i don't want this fear to be true.

i fear it worse than a plane ticket, today.

Comments

[booshtukka.livejournal.com]

and me too.

maybe it's not true. although the plane ticket IS a frightening thing.

fear of flights

[aslant.livejournal.com]

you deserve my honesty. i just want to be an honest person. but it is so easy and intoxicating to fall into the intensity of someone else's affection. being loved is the most powerful and addicting drug.

Re: fear of flights

[booshtukka.livejournal.com]

your affection is not as intense as mine then?

I know. all people want is to be loved.

Re: fear of flights

[aslant.livejournal.com]

i can't tell if it's intense as yours. we approach it so differently. you have a boundless source of happiness--and i am happy too but i have a lot more fear and apprehension and doubt than you do. meanwhile you make me very happy, and i wish to know you better although it scares me. butterflies in my stomach when we talk, occasionally, must mean something.

Re: fear of flights

[booshtukka.livejournal.com]

boundless source of happiness? I do not. definitely not. I am a miserable so and so. I am a paranoid neurotic. but - I feel more and more convinced there is something there. I have butterflies in my stomach with every email I receive. my computer aches for you.

Re: fear of flights

[aslant.livejournal.com]

do not be paranoid and neurotic. i want to be able to hold you and smooth away fears. and fixe things.

Re: absence of flights

[booshtukka.livejournal.com]

I do too. more than anything. I wish I could buy it. or trade for it. imagine a world, with happy lives in a market. you could buy a rich happy life, or a peasant happy life. but you were guaranteed happiness. but then - maybe - we would take it for granted.

Re: absence of flights

[aslant.livejournal.com]

it wouldn't be so bad to take a wonderful life for granted. because even if you complained you'd still have it pretty good.