paroxysm

[aslant]

[another poem towards which i feel nothing but ambiguousness.]





paroxysm


what i've been contemplating is the hazard-
ous cause-effect ladder of doubt

a spasm awake in a
night so sudden and heartbeaten;

even my nose has given me cause
for suspicion, an effect i've no doubt
is as false as a ladderless scaffold

aloft, aloof.
what i'm getting at is no matter
of eyesight, no manner of postured gaits
or careful shoulders thrown back

mirror please turn your eye
or at the very least give me
a moment here to freshen up

in the night we have all woken genetically
with a gasp and a shudder (you have seen
a platform slip away, a sidewalk curb missed)
somehow in falling through that dream
into stunned wakefulness

in a dark split by venetianed streetlight
somehow we are all the same creature
all grateful in the same half-awake measure

what i don't want is that twitch of awake
to follow me from the dusty world in
to bright doubt-full vigilance but lately
it's been following me any way











4.4.2005