auto-da-fe
Nov. 27th, 2001 10:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aslantlast night was b, the girl from autobio whose brother died young; i'm in her house and trying to pack without her seeing me. i've gone through her tapes and they include porn labelled "abuse", and a grainy photo of children on the back with their eyes x-ed out. i hold a nutcracker in my fist so she can't see, and if she comes any closer i'll crack her temple open. i hoard objects: each one may or may not help me escape. b sleeps fitfully on a cot by the tv. i know i can't get out in time. when she wakes her eyes at me in the kitchen are numbed, distantly regretful that she is forced somehow to kill me.
it's true, i've lost the trick of sleeping in that bed. something is mismatched or unslung.
j brought home with her found magazine. which makes me wish i had collected all those signs over the summer. like the one about the femil rommet, or the nanny tutor who liked the babys.
yesterday annie and i finished at 2. they made us leave. so i went to the bookstore and read invisible monsters straight through. staggered home feeling too leggy in the too-short skirt and remembered why it is that i hate the evening. it's so godamn normal and cheerful these days. the dinner, the shows, the talk, the laughter. i'm looking for a detour in the road. i could quite happily disappear into it. a separate peace.
it's true, i've lost the trick of sleeping in that bed. something is mismatched or unslung.
j brought home with her found magazine. which makes me wish i had collected all those signs over the summer. like the one about the femil rommet, or the nanny tutor who liked the babys.
yesterday annie and i finished at 2. they made us leave. so i went to the bookstore and read invisible monsters straight through. staggered home feeling too leggy in the too-short skirt and remembered why it is that i hate the evening. it's so godamn normal and cheerful these days. the dinner, the shows, the talk, the laughter. i'm looking for a detour in the road. i could quite happily disappear into it. a separate peace.
